I want to find new hangouts. I'm so sick of going to the same 2 or 3 bars, over and over and over. I need variety. My girlfriends, evidently, do not.
First of all, how in the hell am I supposed to meet people worth my time at these fratboy/sleazeball hole-in-the-wall dives that I go to?
Secondly, how in the hell can I escape these fratboys and sleazeballs who try to pick me up (by talking drunken gibberish and breathing their last meals in my face) if I show up at the place they call their home-away-from-beer-can-infested-home every single weekend? Stupid, isn't it?
This is not copasetic.
I need dudes who got game ... and hygiene. And I need to relax and party someplace where the barstool doesn't stick to my jeans, the pool table isn't soiled and the playlist doesn't loop back after 20 minutes. I mean, damn! I heard that Mika joint 4 times already! Let it go!
So please, good people of New York City, where oh where is there a
good night out? And don't say China Club or Marquee or Webster Hall. I don't get down like that. Anywhere that has seen 10 or more of Lindsay Lohan's East Coast coke-fueled night-rampages is off limits and anywhere that is 1% NY, 1% L.I. (you qualify as a separate world) and 98% Jersey, well ... you know what I'ma say. (It starts with "hell.") I'm even game for
Brooklyn.
Yes.
The center of the hipster universe.
Give me something different, unique, underground, gritty, delicious, weird or wonderful. Just give me anything but your average pub in the E.V. or mega club in Chelsea. How hard could it be in this city ...
honestly?
Help a girl out.
